This daughter of mine, she's always paying attention to the details. She notices when the shampoo smells different. She notices when the flowers bloom. She notices when I rearrange the pictures on the mantle.
The other night she noticed me. All three babies were super fussy, so I was trying to hold all of them on the floor. They swatted each other angrily, frustrated that they had to share my lap with each other. Lucy had been watching me from the other side of the room, though I didn't see her watching me at the time.
Then I heard her steady voice: "you're a good mom," she said. "You're trying so hard." Her words flooded my heart and made it surge. My noticer was noticing me, her mom, and not in the typical way of--you are my mom and that's a given--but as a person who was really trying her hardest.
Parenting really doesn't come with much validation. You just kind of trek along, hoping that you're raising kind, loving, responsible little people. You never really know what you're doing, so you just kind of wing it, all the while wondering--am I doing ok? Will I regret that parenting decision later on? Or maybe even tomorrow? Did she get enough time with me today?
But every once in a while, you get a little sign that you're headed in the right direction. And when you do, you feel relieved that you can relax for a bit and not worry about the details. So right now, today, I feel like maybe I'm doing something right, maybe we're on the right track.
Today, I think the kids are going to be all right.