It’s 7:16 am and I’m alone.
Alone—what a rarity these days.
Of all the things that are hard about this quarantine time, it’s the constant engagement and noise that overwhelms me the most. Six kids arguing, talking, squealing, playing. Six kids needing things, wanting my attention, wanting to be close to me. Six kids needing meals, clean clothes, and lots of love.
I feel stretched too thin.
It seems impossible to stretch myself any farther. And yet. Here we are, the days continue, and it is highly likely they will continue through the fall, at minimum.
I am overwhelmed and exhausted.
Then I remember: I am not alone in this struggle. Every one of my friends—I think every mom everywhere—is being stretched to the max. Some friends are juggling work and childcare, and feeling the entire time like they’re failing at both. Some friends are struggling with the lack of socialization with anyone outside their own house. Almost everyone is trying to manage their anxiety over covid, school, and everything else.
This is where I should offer some platitudes about how this is a hard time but we’ll get through it! What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger! ! We’re moms, we can do anything!
Um, I guess? Those things are true, I suppose. But are they helpful to hear right now? No, not for me. They imply we should get over it. That we should push through our feelings or perhaps ignore them altogether. So I’m not going to say them.
Instead, I think what you need to hear is that it is ok to NOT be ok. Honestly, if you are ok right now, how is that? Are you listening and reading and watching? I can’t imagine you’re ok if you are.
So here’s your permission to say it: I am not ok, and that’s ok. After acknowledging that (which I myself have done), think about what you might need to feel more ok, and see if you can take some baby steps to make that happen.
I’m not saying to take some time for “self-care” (insert eye roll), get your nails done, or any of that. No one knows what you need except you. Think about what you really need to be ok, and if there is any way to make it happen.
For me, being more ok means getting up extra early to be all alone, and texting my friends and sisters to vent. Because even though I’m stretched too thin, I know that if I reach my hands a little farther, I will grab the hands of my friends and family. Those hands grab back, clasping mine tightly with love and understanding. My friends and family remind me, with love and compassion: it’s ok to feel this way. It’s ok to be anxious, short-tempered, and overwhelmed. You’re human. You’re just like us, and together, we will get through this, even if none of us are ok. We can be not-ok together.
Let’s be not-ok together, shall we?
Love to you all, as always. Hang in there.
xoxo,
Chrissy