Grief Cookies + Carrot Cake

Grief Cookies + Carrot Cake

As I think about tomorrow and his birthday, I again find myself asking what to wish for. Do I wish to remember everything about him, even though it is so hard, knowing he’s not here? I do. I wish for that. Because the alternative, to not go through that pain of remembering? That is to forget or disregard everything about him that was funny, loving, and wonderful. I will wish to remember all those little things that made him great, and I will wish that my kids will know those things as well, even if they don’t actually remember him.

All They Want Is You, Mama

All They Want Is You, Mama

n that moment, I thought about how my kids love every last bit of me. They love their impatient, frustrated mama who sometimes yells too much. They love their mama who tells them no and enforces rules. They love their mama who tells them “time for bed!” even though they want to play a little longer.

They don’t want a more organized mom. Or a more patient mom. Or a mom who never yells. They don’t want another mom, period.

They want me, as I am. All of me.

Parents: If You Need a Reason to Clean Your Car, This Is It

Parents: If You Need a Reason to Clean Your Car, This Is It

And then I noticed the first carseat. The carseat cover had been pulled back and there were bits of crumbled Styrofoam all over the seat. I looked back to the other three carseats (yep, so many kids), and two of those were the same.

Who or what had gotten into the van?

I backed up from the van, still puzzled, when I saw little paw prints all over the window. And then it hit me like the smell of one of those forgotten sippy cups of milk.

Lost and Found: Mom Edition

Lost and Found: Mom Edition

I remember the first time it happened. It was a quiet, icy morning in Washington, D.C. in 2008, and we were driving home from the hospital with our brand new baby girl. Our first baby girl. The trees, the sky, the streets all looked the exact same as they had two days before. But for me, the world had shifted on its axis. Suddenly, I was someone’s mom, which was surreal and overwhelming. I knew who I was as an attorney, a wife, a sister. But as a mother?

Blooms

Blooms

“They’re beautiful,” I said to the florist as I burst into shoulder-shaking, heaving tears. It was real. It was happening. My Dad had died, and we were getting the most beautiful flowers ever for this, the saddest day of my life. How could something so beautiful exist solely to celebrate such a tragedy? They were such a beautiful monument to the grief I felt that it seemed surreal. 

Summer. Is. Here.

Summer. Is. Here.

I have in my head all these awesome plans for the summer, complete with lots of reading, nutritious snacks, and quality family time.  I know, are you laughing, too?  Because it's comical to think that's how it'll go.  I think the reality is more likely to be moments of fun sprinkled into a batter of exhaustion, frustration, and sleep deprivation. 

Choosing Joy over Worry: When A Friend Gave Me Advice I Didn't Know I Needed

Choosing Joy over Worry: When A Friend Gave Me Advice I Didn't Know I Needed

My friend held up his hand to stop me before I could spit out another question. He smiled and said calmly, “Wait a minute. Has anyone told you that it’s awesome having triplets? Has anyone told you how much fun it will be? Has anyone told you that maybe everything will be just fine?